And it's true. I don't know what to feel anymore. I feel so numb. I can't feel it's not like I don't want to. I feel like I've been injected with epidural.
I'm desperately looking for the good old Adele who's never thought so much of life. The old Adele, would enjoy every breathing moment whereas here, this very complexed Adele, the present Adele, wrapped up in her comforter, feeling uncomfortable still, thinking of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that matters to her. I've been feeling weird again every since I came back to Malaysia. 30% is due to my mum to be honest. The rest... It's so hard to express it here. I feel like as I grow, small bits and pieces of me die, one piece at the time. I can't really share what's bugging me right now because honestly I don't know what lies behind the other 70%. I don't know. Honestly it's scary. I think I might have depression but I might overthink it. It might be me overreacting or me being stressed out lately. I honestly have no goals in life so probably that's the reason why I'm all stressed up.
It's normal right? To be worried of the future once in a while? Tell me it's normal.
There are real people with real problems, including my sister. God. It's really hard for her. I feel for her. It is as if I am the one facing the problem first hand. I swear..... I can feel it. I must be crazy cuz I feel like I'm Rose from Vampire Academy. Shadow kissed. Pfft... how delusional can I get? ADELE! wake up! THERE ARE REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL PROBLEMS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOUR PROBLEMS ARE NOTHING COMPARE TO OTHERS. STOP FUCKING CRYING AND GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHT MAN.
Why am I feeling to much though? There is nothing out there. What do I fear?
My sister, she is suffering so much and I feel like I can't do anything. I fucking hate it when I feel like I'm pinned down to the ground and not be able to help anyone. It hurts me to much. Seeing someone drown and not be able to save someone from it kills me, That is my ultimate weakness. Feeling worthless, helpless and stupid. All I do is ruin everyone's lives. When I ask myself, have I ever cheered someone up? Nope, it's always them. Her. She always cheers me up despite her own problems. I can't even repay that. Cuz I don't know how to. That's why I don't want to bother her with my petty problems. No matter what, I'll wait for you till you feel better.
I then realised why I have this sudden crave to drink and get drunk. Just this time, I want to do it alone. I'm done bugging others. I'm a fucking piece of useless weight.
I'm going off topic. I'm just rambling randomly. I thought I should have it jotted down. Just in case you know? You never know what might happen. Anything can and so. I think I have not been feeling myself lately. I've tried to distract myself by making new friends, join them for some rock climbing. It's futile. The moment I wake up the next day, it's there. Sitting comfortably on my chest.
O n e d a y I w i l l d i e. d i e o f .............
I'm desperately looking for the good old Adele who's never thought so much of life. The old Adele, would enjoy every breathing moment whereas here, this very complexed Adele, the present Adele, wrapped up in her comforter, feeling uncomfortable still, thinking of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that matters to her. I've been feeling weird again every since I came back to Malaysia. 30% is due to my mum to be honest. The rest... It's so hard to express it here. I feel like as I grow, small bits and pieces of me die, one piece at the time. I can't really share what's bugging me right now because honestly I don't know what lies behind the other 70%. I don't know. Honestly it's scary. I think I might have depression but I might overthink it. It might be me overreacting or me being stressed out lately. I honestly have no goals in life so probably that's the reason why I'm all stressed up.
It's normal right? To be worried of the future once in a while? Tell me it's normal.
There are real people with real problems, including my sister. God. It's really hard for her. I feel for her. It is as if I am the one facing the problem first hand. I swear..... I can feel it. I must be crazy cuz I feel like I'm Rose from Vampire Academy. Shadow kissed. Pfft... how delusional can I get? ADELE! wake up! THERE ARE REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL PROBLEMS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOUR PROBLEMS ARE NOTHING COMPARE TO OTHERS. STOP FUCKING CRYING AND GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHT MAN.
Why am I feeling to much though? There is nothing out there. What do I fear?
My sister, she is suffering so much and I feel like I can't do anything. I fucking hate it when I feel like I'm pinned down to the ground and not be able to help anyone. It hurts me to much. Seeing someone drown and not be able to save someone from it kills me, That is my ultimate weakness. Feeling worthless, helpless and stupid. All I do is ruin everyone's lives. When I ask myself, have I ever cheered someone up? Nope, it's always them. Her. She always cheers me up despite her own problems. I can't even repay that. Cuz I don't know how to. That's why I don't want to bother her with my petty problems. No matter what, I'll wait for you till you feel better.
I then realised why I have this sudden crave to drink and get drunk. Just this time, I want to do it alone. I'm done bugging others. I'm a fucking piece of useless weight.
I'm going off topic. I'm just rambling randomly. I thought I should have it jotted down. Just in case you know? You never know what might happen. Anything can and so. I think I have not been feeling myself lately. I've tried to distract myself by making new friends, join them for some rock climbing. It's futile. The moment I wake up the next day, it's there. Sitting comfortably on my chest.
O n e d a y I w i l l d i e. d i e o f .............
