It's hard for me to post about this online but, since I like to record things and go through them again in the future. (That's why I still keep my Keek account) I'm doing this to entertain my future self. Talking about future.. I wonder what I'll be doing then? Okay then let's get down to business.
There's actually a time where I wanted to take my own life because I felt like everything was falling apart and that I wont have a reason to live. I couldn't hold on much longer. The pain. The only reason why I couldn't do it was because I thought of my brothers and how they might react if they get to know I did such a thing.
Everyday I wake up into a nightmare, praying hard so I can pull through the day. Sleep was like my shelter. It's so hard to type right now, cuz every time I think of that period, my heart never fails to feel like it's squeezed like a lemon. As an escape artist, there was nothing I can do to escape.
The struggle was real. It changed me. I became unresponsive and couldn't reply anyone cuz I was too sad to do so. I started to hate people. I started to distance myself. I lost interest in things I've always enjoyed doing, such as video editing, cooking. I lost my appetite, and from this whole incident, I am still weighing less than 45kg. Ultimately, I learned how to wear a mask. A smiling mask. No friends are allowed to find out that I'm in a slump.
I couldn't get out of it until one day I decided to be really really drunk. (the only way to grow some balls to ask) Haha, so basically like any roller coaster ride the ride usually takes time to go up (Before it goes down that steep railing) This was that part. The next day I got my answer and from the roller coaster's point of view, it's zooming down that steep ass slope.
I had a hard time accepting truth but like any normal ass human. I wanted to be selfish, I wanted to protect what I love. discard what is destroying me. I gotta tell you, it wasn't an easy battle. I'm not sure if I've won it back. One of my life's principle a promise to a loved one is an unforgettable vow. The moment I realised I really love something or someone, it will be hard for me to let go. Unless I get to know that that person is happier with out me.
Until then, I will always guard fiercely the people and things I love (treasures). If there is anything or anyone that gets in between me and treasure, without a second thought I will discard them. My treasures are what makes me happy. And all the adventure that have yet to come
There's actually a time where I wanted to take my own life because I felt like everything was falling apart and that I wont have a reason to live. I couldn't hold on much longer. The pain. The only reason why I couldn't do it was because I thought of my brothers and how they might react if they get to know I did such a thing.
Everyday I wake up into a nightmare, praying hard so I can pull through the day. Sleep was like my shelter. It's so hard to type right now, cuz every time I think of that period, my heart never fails to feel like it's squeezed like a lemon. As an escape artist, there was nothing I can do to escape.
The struggle was real. It changed me. I became unresponsive and couldn't reply anyone cuz I was too sad to do so. I started to hate people. I started to distance myself. I lost interest in things I've always enjoyed doing, such as video editing, cooking. I lost my appetite, and from this whole incident, I am still weighing less than 45kg. Ultimately, I learned how to wear a mask. A smiling mask. No friends are allowed to find out that I'm in a slump.
I couldn't get out of it until one day I decided to be really really drunk. (the only way to grow some balls to ask) Haha, so basically like any roller coaster ride the ride usually takes time to go up (Before it goes down that steep railing) This was that part. The next day I got my answer and from the roller coaster's point of view, it's zooming down that steep ass slope.
I had a hard time accepting truth but like any normal ass human. I wanted to be selfish, I wanted to protect what I love. discard what is destroying me. I gotta tell you, it wasn't an easy battle. I'm not sure if I've won it back. One of my life's principle a promise to a loved one is an unforgettable vow. The moment I realised I really love something or someone, it will be hard for me to let go. Unless I get to know that that person is happier with out me.
Until then, I will always guard fiercely the people and things I love (treasures). If there is anything or anyone that gets in between me and treasure, without a second thought I will discard them. My treasures are what makes me happy. And all the adventure that have yet to come
